Will I ever find love again? This is a question that I ask myself constantly.
It has been nearly three years since my last ‘real’ relationship. For sure, I have dated…well, tried to date in those three years. But as soon as a date ends, and we bid each other adieu, I cannot help but think to myself that I will never find love again. Is it just me or do other people feel like that as well?
Let me tell you one thing: dating in New York City sucks! People just want to go on one date then just hook up. So I have never really felt an interest in dating at home. Because what is the point? How do we push past this and actually find true love in this hook up culture we have created? I want to know. How?
Why is love so hard to find? Again, this is one question that I constantly overthink in my head.
Sometimes I think that I will never find love again. When I broke up with my ex boyfriend, I felt a piece of my heart has completely been ripped off. Right then and there, I knew that I will never love the same again. I also might have thought that I will never love again…completely. This lead me to depression and thinking that I was not good enough nor was I ‘worth it’. But what does being worth it mean, really? I find that term appalling and very pretentious. Like do we only do nice things to people we deem worthy or to people we feel attracted to? How about no? We should do good things to everyone. Heck, we should love everyone. Jesus does. Why can we not?
I guess I am just trying to point out the fact that even if I am lonely or single, I have not (and most probably never will) give up on love. Why? Just for the simple reason that I love love. I love being in love, and I love loving people. I must have overused the word ‘love’ in those past sentences, ha! But I do love love, I am not going to hide that fact. For me, finding someone to love is like finding the perfect book: you can never find it at one glance, you really need to know its background and read its content before fully understanding and loving it. Am I right?
For now, I shall be content with the fact that no matter how I hate the term ‘worth it’, I know that I am worth it. Heck, Jesus Christ thought I was to die for! No amount of boy problems will make me think less of myself. Never.
So if you are finding yourself in doubt if you will ever find love again, fear not. You will find love again. It takes time, but we all have to remember that we are moving according to God’s perfect plan and timing. All will be well in the end, and you will get the love that you so carefully crave and deserve. At least, that is what I tell myself. God loves you, always remember that.
“Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.”
1 Chronicles 16:11 NIV