Last night had been one of the most stressful and trying times during this whole quarantine season. I had been crying non-stop, for no apparent reason. Everything weighed heavy, and this lock down had taken its toll on my mental health. Although I was hopeful, that the day that tomorrow will bring, will be a great day. Hopefully, better than today.
At first, I thought that it was just me. There is a notion that when people feel too emotional or too vulnerable, that we are just being sissies or sensitive. I have always thought that my mental well being was to be discarded onto the lowest pile of my priorities. Growing up in the Philippines, seeing shrinks were never really encouraged. Depressed? Go out with friends. Anxious? Go to church. Sad? Get over yourself. Well, that is what they told me, at least.
I have no idea what triggered my mental breakdown last night. Truthfully, I was not really sad in particular, nor was I delusional. The past few days have been great. I saw my mum for the first time in almost two years, had been baking, and had been working non-stop. The busyness in my life had surpassed all the sadness that I had been feeling, and so one night, I eventually snapped. Boy, it was a mess.
Call it the ‘cabin fever’, if you will. Most of us has been in isolation for the past few months, and if you are living alone, like me, then you know that it gets lonely sometimes. I went from living in hostels all around Latin America with four to five roommates, to living by myself. Honestly, I did not really mind, because I am a person who likes my own company. I loved the silence, and I loved basking in my own solitude. Then, I was not really alone, because I had my friends and my family to call. All of whom were very supportive, but there would be days when I would dream that I was back in my bottom bunk in Mexico City. Then I would crave the physical company of my friends.
I cannot say that my life at home is lonely, because it is not. But I can say that my life during this quarantine season has had its up’s and down’s, that is for sure.
Not to be cheesy and all, but aside from my friends and my family, God has been there for me throughout this whirlwind journey. When I was stuck in Mexico City during the last few weeks of March, I had asked God for three miracles. By then, all my flights had been cancelled. I asked God to send me three miracles before March ended, and he sent me more than three miracles. It was amazing. I absolutely cried the day that I landed back to Manila, it was so surreal!
Honestly, life is a constant battle between my head and myself. That is why I see my shrink, and this is something that I have adapted by living in the United States. Your mental health should be a top priority, and is as important as your physical health. I cannot stress enough how important it is to check on yourself and on your mental well being.
This morning, I woke up hopeful. I barely remembered the mess of a blur that was last night. But I knew that something had changed inside of me. Then I got up and had my morning coffee, and just sat and thanked the Lord for the gift of a brand new day. It is not easy to always be uplifted or happy. But with each and every sunrise comes the hope that we have a new day to make things right. I hope you are making the choice to be happy today.
Check on yourself, and on the people you love. This quarantine season is very tough, but I am sure that we will all get through it. Please, if you need someone to talk to, do not hesitate to send me a message. I would love to listen to you. For now, stay at home and be safe. Blessings!
“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.”
Isaiah 26:3 NIV