Have you ever had a dream and think to yourself how life would be so joyful if you were to accomplish that said dream? Well I guess, that was me with snow. I haven’t really seen nor experienced snowfall in my life because *news flash* I was born in a tropical country. For me, seeing and experiencing snow would somehow be full if I were to achieve that dream. I know, it sounds really silly but it was such a big deal for me.
Last winter was the first time I had experienced the cold in its full capacity. I was so used to the blazing heat and all the clothes I had were summer clothes. I had no coats, no tuques and no boots. That year, I wasn’t really prepared but I know in my heart that this is going to be the year that I accomplish this silly dream of mine.
On the day that I first saw snow, I was in my room reading a book. The book was called ‘Go Set A Watchman’ by Harper Lee. A true American classic, I must say and very much worth the read. My cousin, Kimberly, texted me and she told me to go outside because it was snowing. So I did. It was such a magical day. My dream was finally coming true. It wasn’t a big snow fall, but it was enough.
What I thought was a magical day turned out to be one of the gloomiest of all. That afternoon I had a call from my cousin, Jan. I still remember how his voice cracked and trembled over the phone.
He said to me, “She’s gone, Nick. Mommy’s gone.”
My childhood nickname was Nick. Everybody called me Nick. It was sort of a tomboy nickname and I didn’t mind at all. Then I broke down over the phone and just completely lost it. Mommy, our beloved grandmother was dead. I was oceans away from the Philippines and I was not able to come home for the funeral which makes it so much harder.
I still remember the last time I saw my grandma. Whenever I was bound to go on a trip, I came to her house to say good bye. That time I was bound to go to Shanghai, China. I came to her and hugged her and told her I was going to miss her. It was going to be a really long trip. I was to be gone for 9 consecutive months. As I asked her what she wanted for me to bring home, I couldn’t really help but feel sad. There was just something vulnerable at that moment. It was like she was saying good bye to me permanently. Then I left.
My grandmother raised me so this makes much sadder. Her leaving without me by her side was simply heartbreaking. This woman was the very first person who saw me came into this world. She was a midwife by profession and she was the one who helped my mother gave birth to me. When my mother left me, she was the one who stayed behind. She took me under her wings and gave me shelter. Not once, did I ever feel like I did not have mother. It was all thanks to her.
You see, death is a very fascinating thing. One day we can all be here. The next, we could all be dead. But like they say, death is only the beginning of our eternal life with Christ Jesus. I used to be so scared of death, but not anymore.
There are things that I wish I could tell my grandma. Some days, I would come to her house and visit her grave. But it will never be the same again. She was my rock. I loved her with all my heart, and I know that she loved me.
If you love someone, please do not hesitate on telling them. You should be able to freely express your emotions no matter how hard it may be. Do not wait until it’s too late. I waited, and now I will never be able to see her face again and experience the hug she so joyfully gives every grandchild of hers. But one thing is for sure; I will carry her love within me wherever I go. That love will be shared to every other person that I decide to love in the years to come. And there will not be a single day that I would long to see her loving smile.
I cry as I type these words. My grandma was simply the best. I wish I had more time with her. But time is a very silly thing. Do not wait until you are out of it. For time, can do silly things. Seize every opportunity to tell the ones you care about that you love them. Do it.
“For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”
Philippians 1:21 NIV