June 30, 2019

I am not one to always complain about life because I am eternally grateful for everything I have. Although there may be random times or bad days when, more often than not, I feel unloved, inadequate, and misunderstood. This is inevitable, but it also is temporary. Gladly.

Whenever I am on the road, I try to be really positive because travelling can be a really intimidating thing. Plus, I am a solo female traveller, and more often than not, I am travelling alone. Do not get me wrong, this has been the most amazing, eye opening, and liberating experience ever. But to tell you the truth, there are times when I am on the road and I would see all these travellers with their friends, lovers, or families. I am not an unhappy person, but there are days that I love unloved, inadequate, and misunderstood.

I move a lot, and this causes me to not have a stable group of friends. This leads to me being alone most of the time, even when I am at home. But honestly, where is ‘home’? That is a questions that I long to answer in the near future. During the times that I am experiencing bad days, it is very hard for me to just call a person and just vent. Because I really have nobody. I used to think that having a best friend meant having somebody to talk to whenever you are feeling at your lowest. But we are adults, and our times are busy. This is totally understandable, but I wish that this was not always the case. Because there are days when I would give everything just to have a soul to talk to.

There are nights when I would randomly wake up and think to myself that I am so unloved. On days when I would just scroll for hours on social media and see my old pals getting married, getting promoted, and even having babies, I would feel so inadequate. This would, sometimes, lead me to question myself and my decisions in life. Was it wrong that I left my motherland to travel the world? Had I been wrong in letting him go in order to fulfill my destiny? Did I make a mistake in believing that I could achieve so much in life or that I could make a difference? I have bad days too, and quite a lot of them at that. Because there are people out there who always questions my purpose and abilities, and this leads to myself being misunderstood.

In this world, people will doubt you, non stop. It is terrible, and sad, and quite terrifying. I am terrified. What if I was wrong all along? On times like this, it also makes me want to question my judgment. But this is wrong. Because if I would not believe in myself, how will others do so? If I will not stand tall for my dreams, how will I make a difference? I know I can do it, but there are bad days when I would feel like I could not fulfill everything that I said I would. But you know what? That is totally okay. It happens, and we all go through it. That is completely normal.

On days that I feel unloved, inadequate, and misunderstood, I always remind myself that, as a matter of fact, I am the opposite. I am loved, adequate, and understood by (and for) the people I love, who loves me, and the people who support my passion. The bad days never last, and all the lies that you hear in your brain is all perpetuated by the devil. It is not true, and you are awesome because you are His child. For that reason, that makes you more than enough.

This might sound weird, but there is this thing that I do whenever I would feel bad about myself. I would go in front of a mirror and just blurt out compliments or things I like about myself. In our present age, I find it very hard to accept compliments. I always get too anxious and nervous whenever a person compliments me. But I am slowly finding my way out of that dark bubble. So I try to compliment myself and say things that I like about myself in front of a mirror. Because if you do not know your worth, how will you settle for the things that you deserve? Honestly, I used to settle for things that I knew was less than what I deserved. But now, I know my worth, and settling for things less than what I deserve will never happen again. Ever.

Life is a bumpy ride, we should all know that. But another thing that we should know, is that our worth is not seen in material, physical or even emotional things. Our worth is in Christ alone. He freakin’ died for us: you and me. That is more than enough. It makes you more than enough. So on days that you feel unloved, inadequate, and misunderstood, remind yourself of your truth. You are loved, adequate, and understood.

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

1 Peter 5:7 NIV

    Leave a Reply

    Follow Us