Home. The sound of that word is just very cosy and relaxing, just like how ‘home’ should be. I think.
It’s my sixth month in New York and I’ve been slowly getting accustomed to the cold weather, the food and that New York attitude. However, somewhere deep in my heart, I know that there’s something wrong. You see, growing up I’ve always admired this city. I dreamed of that one day I’m going to be able to live here, to start a career here, to fall in love here. Here I am at 21, I’m running my blog + filming and I have a broken heart. I think that New York is one of those cities that are beautiful but only from afar. I mean, we all have our different perspectives and all, but that’s the conclusion that I’ve come up with after half a year of living in this crazy and beautiful yet chaotic city.
While pondering one chilly winter afternoon, I’ve decided that it’s time for me and New York to part ways. It’s been an amazing 6 months, and I’ve met different kinds of beautiful people. I’ve done things I didn’t know I was capable of, and I’ve sucked up to ignorant people who don’t even know how beautiful the world is outside of this busy city. I loved my time here in New York but I’m not happy anymore, so it’s time to go.
They say that ‘home is where your heart is’, and I really believe that phrase. Your home should be your safest place, where you hang your coat and pots, and where you’d rather spend your Friday nights instead of some crazy bar. Coming home should make you feel happy and excited and blessed. For some people, home is not a house but a person. That makes sense too! For years I’ve thought that the man I once loved was my home and that I was his. But I was wrong. I am happily starting a new journey this new year to embark on an adventure in trying to find my own ‘home’. I want to find somewhere I could be myself, somewhere I would be accepted, and somewhere I can finally say, “My heart is happy here.”
In 2018, I hope to find home. I hope to rekindle to happiness inside of me that is slowly sinking deeper into my heart. I hope to find myself. I have lost myself trying to find other people’s meaning in my life. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to find me.
Wherever this road may take me, in the end, I’d always hoped for happiness, joy and success in finding this one place that will make this journey and all this running worth it.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.”
Jeremiah 17:7 NIV