May 15, 2018

I used to be one of those people who posted everything online. I would post what I ate, what I was wearing, where I was going and how my day has been. I wanted the attention. I needed the attention. I felt like I was important whenever my ‘friends’ on Facebook would like my photos or my status. I thought that was it, and it, somehow, validated my existence.

I used to have friends whom I could go to for everything; relationship stress, university struggles and identity crisis. You name it, I have friends for that. I thought that was all there is to life. But late last year, that all changed.

From nearly 5,000 people whom I was friends with on Facebook, I deleted most of them and my friends now dropped to about 700. I mean, I didn’t know all those 5,000 people. I don’t even know how I reached that point. I just felt like I needed a change and I needed new set of friends.

As we grow older, we realise that there’s more to life than popularity and being well-liked. When you’re standing in front of the train tracks wishing you had the courage to just jump off, you realise that what you need is a friend who’s always going to be there for you and not just somebody who likes what you post on social media. I learned that the hard way.

This ‘unfriending’ fiasco made me the bad guy in front of all the people I once cared about. You also have to know that social media is a big deal in the Philippines because everybody is literally on their phones all day. When I unfriended my old friends, they literally called me out and talked behind my back. That’s when I realised that I made the right choice.

So to all the friends that I lost along the way, I just wanted to say that I am sorry. I’m sorry of unfriending and/or unfollowing you on social media. I’m sorry if I moved to a different country. I’m sorry if I didn’t come to your wedding, baby shower or to the funeral of someone you dearly loved. I’m sorry if I needed new friends. I’m sorry if I left without any explanations. I’m sorry if you felt hurt by what I did. I’m sorry if I looked so cold doing it. I’m sorry for being a bitch. I’m sorry for ending our friendship.

As we grow older, we also realise that social media shouldn’t be the basis of our personal lives. I post a lot of content on my blog and on my Instagram, but I leave all my private affairs on Facebook. I don’t even post every single day now, and I know my limits. Heck, most of the time what I post are memes because I’m sort of a troll. I hope all the people I have left in the past realises that I did what I did because I owe myself the peace. I needed to let go of the negativity that other people bring. I had to move on. I had to do it for myself.

As our lives go on, we also start to see that it goes on with or without certain people. We have to know that at the end of the day, we only got ourselves, our families, and God. We should never let go of those three.

So I’m sorry if I hurt a bunch of people whilst finding myself. But if you ask me if I was going to do it again, I wouldn’t do it any other way. I wouldn’t do it differently, because self discovery is so much better than holding on to a couple of people who don’t even care what you think or how you feel.

“All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

2 Timothy 3:16-17 NIV

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